With H1N1 germs floating around, everyone is getting clean these days, or at least trying to.
It’s stressful though, trying to stay clean with so many ways to get contaminated.
I worries me.
So for example, what should I worry the most about,
- Dirty money?
- Contaminated food?
- Doctor’s ties?
It’s a tough call.
I used to worry the most about dirty money. According to experts, in excess of 80% of dollar bills carry discernible traces of cocaine. Since learning about that I’ve switched entirely to using my credit card, and purchasing as much as possible on the interweb.
Then I began worrying about contaminated food when it was documented that 26% of the US population gets food poisoning every year. Since it’s only a fraction of that in Britain and France, I convinced Leslie to go with me to the UK for a month. But that was only a temporary fix, and now I’m back in the soup, so to speak.
The final blow came yesterday with the discovery that now I even have to worry about my doctor’s tie. Turns out that nobody washes ties, and they are always within nose-range of the patient when the doc performs his examination. One solution has all docs wearing bow ties. Even better, I could just switch to Leslie’s doc, since she doesn’t wear ties.
So what to worry about the most? I think I’ll listen to words of advice from my favorite columnist:
[Anxiety?] We live in a time when we are constantly being reminded that a fellow plane passenger might be trying to smuggle explosives in his sneakers. We can manage anxiety. – Gail Collins
Don’t worry, be happy.
Don’t wear a tie to Thanksgiving dinner.
Is there something you’re not telling me?