Not A Mystery

Airlines and Cable Networks, two of our most popular industries today.

If you ignore the Banks.

Sign up for Cable and you get more channels than you need or want. You’ve been bundled.

Get on an Airline and nothing is included in the price of your ticket. You’ve been unbundled.

And yet, as a consumer, it all feels the same.

What's Not To Like?

I’m not saying we should regulate them.

That would be too good.

Shakespeare had it right, even in 1600 he could see these guys coming.

To be or not to be– that is the question:

Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles

And, by opposing, end them.

- Hamlet

Talk about being “in the zone”.

The final episode of Mad Men (Season 1) shows Don Draper coining the word Carousel for the gizmo that holds the slides on Kodak’s slide projector. And creating the Kodak Moment campaign to sell memories instead of hardware.

Which got me thinking about what could top this bit of genius marketing.

It would have to be getting people to pay for something they don’t use.

Two examples come to mind: Propane and Cellphone Plans.

I was at a friends home the other night and he was using his BBQ. I noticed that he had one of those recycleable propane tanks that you return when it gets low and exchange it for a new, filled up, tank. I hadn’t thought about that product before because I take my propane tank to a local station where they just top up my own tank when it gets low.

A little thought will reveal the brillance of the recycleable tank, which is that you are always paying for propane you don’t use. Since nobody can take the chance that they will run out of propane in the middle of their BBQ, that tank gets returned long before it’s empty. In my own case I only pay for the propane that actually ‘tops up’ my tank.

OK, that’s a bit of a rip-off, but we’re not talking big bucks and it’s hard to get mad at the guys who sell propane.

Cellphone Carriers are another story altogether. We hate these guys before the opening credits even come up.

They do the same thing as the propane guys, but it happens with bigger bucks and it’s every month. Plus, did I mention their service sucks.

When you sign up for a cellphone ‘plan’ you have to pick your ‘number of minutes’. Same idea, pay for something you don’t use. Because they charge confiscatory prices if you go over your limit, you are forced to buy more minutes than you think you might ever use.

And in the immortal words of Adam Carolla, ‘They don’t even give you a reach-around’.

Turns out a Verizon Moment is one of those minutes you pay for, but don’t use.

Don Draper would be in awe.

We all know that Big Government, Big Oil, Big Tobacco and Big Bank cannot be trusted.

But I’ve always thought I could trust Big Box.

Not any more.

Up until now I had written off ever-shrinking product packaging evilness to manufacturer’s greed. You know, charge the same price but put less ‘stuff’ in the box. It’s a price hike without a change in price.

Just like a tax increase that’s created by allowing a tax cut to expire. But I digress.

In our household we have many divisions of labor. One division is in the area of shopping. When it comes to shopping Leslie is in charge of food and shoes. I do most of the rest.

Most of the rest happens in COSTCO and SAM’s, where I resign myself to buying hideously large (for 2 people) packages of stuff in return for great prices. But it’s these great prices that have lead me down the road of complacency. I’ve let my guard down.

I have assumed, wrongly it turns out, that one huge package of stuff bought in any Big Box is equivalent in value to any other. I haven’t been comparison shopping. My bad.

But two things have changed for me lately,

1. A nagging suspicion that I’m being taken advantage of, and
2. I am packing an iPhone, with its built-in camera.

Today when I went to use my COSTCO coupon, I was shocked, shocked I say, to be let down by Big Box. The coupon made it look like I could purchase my normal huge f*cking container of Tide He detergent and save $2.50.

Fewer Loads by 26% In COSTCO On The Left, vs. SAM's On The Right

But when I compared that offering to SAM’s regular priced alternative it turns out that in this case because of the package size COSTCO was 20% more expensive, and not $2.50 cheaper.

Of course the smart shopper will notice that COSTCO is selling “Advanced Power” as compared to the “Original Scent” at SAM’s. This is because of the clever arrangement between Big Box and Big Detergent to confuse the shopper with (supposedly) non-equivalent product.

If you ask me, nothing about this obfuscation smells good.

I revel in a good day every so often, as an attempt to avoid morphing into a grumpy old man.

Recently I went to Lowe’s home Improvement Center with the goal of purchasing a “Shrub Rake”. I didn’t know there was such a thing as a shrub rake before I got there, I was just looking for a smallish rake to be consistent in my desire to perform only smallish yard tasks.

The beauty of our capitalist system is a multitude of choices. In this case, big rakes, medium rakes and little rakes. Tons of rakes. I didn’t know there could be so many rakes. I was standing there scratching my head when another shopper pointed to a particular rake and said, “Don’t buy that rake, it doesn’t work.”

Now in spite of the name of our blog, I have to admit that how a rake could not work was a mystery to me.

In any case, after what seemed like an unduly long time I finally managed to pick out what was the ultimate rake on offer. It was the lightest, longest, prettiest and surprisingly cheapest of all the rakes on this wall display. I was honestly chuffed with my selection.

Now imagine my absolute gob-smaked surprise when I examined the label and discovered that this rake was Made In The USA.

The USA is getting our rake back, which may be even better than getting our groove back.

No Assembly Required

But wait, it gets better.

When I grasped the adhesived-on label and pulled, instead of ripping in tiny pieces that would take hours to remove, it peeled right off and left no residue!

Look Ma, It Didn't Stick!

And that’s all it takes, these days, to have a good day.

I have an acquaintance  in the packaging industry whose products utilize a super-strong cardboard. You can stand automobiles on boxes made of his cardboard; we are talking here about serious robustness.

Their shipping containers are  used to transport auto engines and heavy machinery.

Sit in your car, raise your hand up to touch the ‘head-liner’ on the inside of the roof, and you are probably touching another of their products.

Because their business was dependent on the (cyclical) auto industry, my acquaintance decided to look into other applications for their product that would be less cyclical.

He came up with the idea of making coffins for people who were planning to be cremated.

Brilliantly non-cyclical.

This was many years ago, and people were still purchasing expensive conventional caskets for their departed relatives despite the fact that they were going to be cremated, casket and all.

Unfortunately (at that time) the funeral industry was not receptive to new, cost-saving, ideas. And it’s not like consumers were demanding cardboard caskets.

His idea died a quiet death.

But times have changed. Cardboard is the New Green.

Google ‘Cardboard Caskets’ if you don’t believe me.

With Better Timing, It Could Have Been 'From Roads To Riches'

Next will be promotions that include casket offsets for people attending the funeral.

And remember, timing is everything.

I’m a fan of Skinny Cow products. Not only do they taste good, but their ‘spokes-cow‘ reminds me of the old Gateway computer boxes and appeals to my inner geek.

If you scan through their product line-up you’ll notice that they have a great variety of flavors. But even more importantly, they deliver them to you  in a myriad of ways. You can consume them from cups, sticks, cones and sandwiches. Pretty much whatever form you desire for your ice cream, it’s there to enjoy.

And, when they introduce a new flavor, they don’t hold back the cones and cups so they can get their full mark-up on sandwiches for a few extra months.

Interesting idea, isn’t it.

Giving customers access to your product in whatever form your customer desires.

Maybe they should start a book publishing business or a movie studio.

That would be tasty.

Schadenfreude is a kind of personal term.

It’s what you feel when someone like Eliot Spitzer stumbles.

But how do I feel when an entire industry gets what it deserves?

Today the UK Guardian reported that,

Vodafone boss Vittorio Colao has warned mobile phone executives about Google’s growing power in the online advertising and search market, which he claims could damage consumer choice.

Right. The Telecom industry which has been a pioneer in upholding consumer choice is concerned.

These are the same Dickheads who lock you into multi-year contracts, cripple mobile phone operating systems, and charge outrageous rates for text messaging.

Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch.

Go Google!

I know, or at least I’ve been told, that women’s clothing can have sizes that are fungible.

The more expensive the dress, the smaller the size printed on the label.

I was under the impression that when it came to men’s clothing, we played by the rules.

My bad.

A few days ago I was in Sam’s Club and came across a table piled high with jeans. Their private label jeans.

What caught my attention was that the jeans were in neat piles with the sizes showing. This is not the normal state of affairs. Usually the jeans are folded so you can’t see the sizes and they are arranged randomly so that finding a pair that might actually fit is impossible.

But today was my day. And as an extra added bonus i could see that they had jeans in 29″ length, which for me is perfect. Normally the shortest inseam available in jeans is 30″, which sort of works for me, but it’s not great.

So I waded in, looking for a pair of 32″ x 29″ jeans.

Nope, zero, nada.

You would think, I said to myself, that the shortest leg would go with the smallest waist. But no, all I could find was 38″ x 29″. Give me a break, are they only making jeans for short and wide guys? As opposed to big and tall.

But then it dawned on me. Given the (great) pricing, I could go with a bigger waist size than normal!

And sure enough, I finally found one pair sized 34″x29″ that fits me perfectly, just like my normal 32″x29″ standard issue Levis.

I feel fatter, and I’m slightly depressed, but in the end it works for me.

It’s alway nice to be Number 1.

For example, I’m terrifically proud that I purchased my current home at the absolute peak of the real estate bubble. And I feel equally puffed up over this chart from the Economist showing that we in the US are supporting Big Pharma in their quest for profits.

Make Sure To Swallow It All

Shame on those Health Care reformers who want to take us down a peg in the world wide standings by actually negotiating reasonable prices as part of a reform package.

We have to feel sorry, as usual, for those people in India who are able to negotiate cheap royalties with Big Pharma on their drugs because of their simple negotiating stance. Give us a great deal, or we’ll just manufacture and sell generics and pay you nothing.

It’s a negotiating stance that has legs.

Sorry, It's Only Available In China

I discovered today that if you access the Interweb from China you can get free music from the major record labels. From a NY Times article back in April:

Can global music companies make money by giving away songs in China, where piracy is rampant?

They certainly hope so. Last Monday, the world’s biggest record labels, including EMI, the Warner Music Group and Vivendi’s Universal Music, said they would seek to profit here by working with Google and offering free downloads of music to anyone inside China.

The music publishers get a ‘cut’ of advertising revenue on the music site that gives away their music. So they can say they are getting paid, but it’s the same situation as with Big Pharma in India. They have no choice. And even with all that nobody is making any money; including Google who has subsidized the site to compete with rival Baidu who links to pirated music.

In both cases Big Pharma and Big Music are getting paid virtually zero. But now they can say to those of us at the top of the food chain that everyone else is paying also. So stop your complaining.

Who’s stupid here?

Time flies.

It’s the Economist Big Mac Index for 2010.

That’s pronounced “Twenty-Ten” F2u Rio Linda.

Just to review, The Economist has been publishing their (not so tongue-in-cheek) Big Mac Index since 1986. It’s a reality check on world-wide currency exchange rates, based on the concept of Purchasing-Power Parity.

Purchasing-Power Parity (PPP) says that exchange rates are correct when the price of similar goods are the same in each country. The Big Mac survey compares the price of a Big Mac all over the world. The Big Mac is, after all, a basket of standard ingredients put together in a consistent process.

Ronald The Economist

Anyway, this week’s 2010 survey says that should the Big Mac price in a country translated into dollars be above $3.58, its cost in America, the currency is overvalued; if it is below that benchmark, it is undervalued.

But our Burger-In-Chief seems to be causing a few upsets.

Last year the best deal in town was Hong Kong. This year they don’t even make the chart; wassup? Did the mainland hackers get into the Economist gMail account?

And perhaps more disturbing, Wikipedia has compiled a comparison chart of Big Mac stats worldwide, which seems to indicate it’s not quite the Gold Standard of Standard.

Are Not All Big Macs Equal? We're Shocked ... Shocked!

And I’d say that Wikipedia has certainly Earned Their Chops on this one.

One of the Interweb’s most recently developed art forms is the Unboxing.

This is defined by the Urban Dictionary as:

The Internet trend of showing photos or video from the unpacking of a retail box of some desirable product, such as the latest laptop or portable music player.

Since we try to remain fashion forward, it’s time to hold our very first Not A Mystery Unboxing.

And don’t be intimidated.

Remember what Sarah Palin said, “I may not know as much about Unboxing as the East Coast elites, but I sure as heck know what I like when I see it!”

Thanks for that Sarah. We will now proceed to Field Dress a Box before your very eyes.

For this Unboxing we’ve chosen a recent purchase from Amazon; Kettle’s Lightly Salted Chips (Crisps to you Brits), 4-Ounce Bags 15-Pack.

We chose this product because (a) it was recent, (b) it was large. Plus, the fact that it consists of Chips makes it sound Hi-Tech.

Here we go:

Unboxing Is The New Field Dressing, Take Note Sarah!

1. The outer package as delivered by UPS 2nd Day Air from Amazon (free with our Amazon Prime membership). Note the Fragile sticker, which is a bit of a head scratcher for a box of Potato Chips, but I guess you can never be too careful.
2. Poping open the outer Amazon shipping box, we see brown butcher paper. No plastic air bags or bubbles in this box. Very Green; shout-out to Amazon for sustainable packing!
3. Opening the outer box a bit more we see that in fact we have an inner package.
4. And now we can see the original Kettle’s master pack box. Shipping specialists will note that although there is no cushioning between the outer and inner box on the sides, that the boxes have maintained their good alignment. Perhaps the Fragile notice induced UPS to play nice during shipment?
5. We’ve now taken the outer Amazon shipper away and what remains is the Kettle master pack. Note the white tape seal across the top says “Lightly Salted” to avoid confusion and add authenticity. Well done, Kettle!
6. And finally, we open the Kettle shipper and see our individual packs of Chips or Crisps, standing straight up at attention, like pert Little Rogues. Bravo.

Product Shot, Front:

"Made From REAL Potatoes"

Product Shot, Back:

"Absolutely Nothing Artificial"

And Finally the Chips/Crisps themselves:

Kettle Baked and Lightly Salted, Delicious

To sum up. Great product, met all our expectations with no surprises. Quality of Chips/Crisps and packing excellent. Amazon and Kettle doing a good job of producing and delivering a sustainable, REAL, Chip/Crisp.

Having gained some confidence in this our first Unboxing, the plan is to next take on a product with moving parts.

Happy New Year!