Not A Mystery

Finally, proof positive that the world is going to sh*t.

The Economist, to prove a point, has linked to an article in The Onion.

The matter of love, literature and taste is a silly minefield—one that often says more about how we brand ourselves than about what is essential for romantic compatibility.

Source – The Economist

The Economist Line "How We Brand Ourselves" Links to The Onion

What’s even more ironic, is that the linked Onion ‘article’ could just have easily made fun of someone holding up a copy of The Economist instead of Pynchon’s The Crying Of Lot 49 to make their lifestyle statement.

Its fire-engine-red logo peeks out of fashionable handbags and from the back pockets of designer jeans. Bankers read it in first-class seats. Hipsters read it on the subway on their way to work. It’s The Economist.

Source

If all this seems too silly and confusing, count yourself lucky that we didn’t slip in a reference to The New York Review of Books.

Note: And last but certainly not least, click here for an insider’s guide on how to keep ‘current’ with your Economist subscription by treating each issue like a bottle of fine wine.

It’s always nice when we beat the “Grey Lady” to a major story.

OK, this isn’t really a major story, but we’ll wallow in the victory of our scoop.

Last month we wrote that Cheap Knock-Offs Are Giving Fine Counterfeits A Bad Name. And almost three weeks later, here is the NY Times’ lede paragraph,

After years of knocking off luxury products like $2,800 Louis Vuitton handbags, criminals are discovering there is money to be made in faking the more ordinary — like $295 Kooba bags and $140 Ugg boots. In California, the authorities recently seized a shipment of counterfeit Angel Soft toilet paper.

Source

The Times devoted column inches to ho-hum items like sunglasses, sneakers, and handbags.

But Who Really Cares About This Dreck?

Meanwhile, we had already focused on the much more intriguing category of Cheap Plonk.

The Plonk (Left) Even Sports A Photocopied Label

Once again authenticating our taste and sophistication.

To say nothing of news-forward copy.

What do theatre owners and airline executives have in common?

Nothing.

Well, actually they do both provide their services to seated customers, which should imply some sort of similarity. But in practice nothing of the sort.

While the airlines constantly shrink their seats and services, theatre owners at least have a different take on customer satisfaction.

… theaters across the country [are] expanding the width of … seats and increasing … leg room, or row spacing …

“We want to err a little bit on the roomier side, because over the last 50 years Americans have gotten a little plumper,” [New York] City Center’s senior vice-president and managing director, Mark Litvin, said, “and we find these larger seats are much more comfortable for people.”

… Theatre Projects Consultants, a theater-development firm, found that the average standard width of seats in performing-arts theaters has expanded from 21 to 22 inches over the last two decades, “primarily due” to the concurrent rise in obesity. Over the course of the entire last century, the average width increased from 19 to 21 inches.

Source

If, like me, you spend your airtime crammed in coach you will be impressed with the ‘pitch’ on these seats.

The airlines might try to claim that frequent flyers are not succumbing to obesity like their theatre-going cousins.

But given that they now force some customers to purchase two tickets if they require a seatbelt ‘extender’, that excuse just won’t fly.

Recent events have moved the line between Cheap Knock-Offs and Counterfeit goods.

Last week, major UK supermarket chain Tesco was caught in the act of selling what turned out to be a bogus bottle of Louis Jadot Pouilly-Fuissé wine.

Danny McGowan bought two bottles of French Louis Jadot Pouilly-Fuisse wine, reduced from £14.49 to a bargain £5.  He [noted] that the label “looked photocopied” and the bottles had a screw top instead of Louis Jadot’s usual cork. But when he opened them at home, he discovered the fine white wine was actually cheap plonk.

Source

C’mon Danny, what did you expect for your £5?

Frankly, Either One Works For Me

While it’s estimated that 5% of the wine sold today is Counterfeit, most of the dubious stuff is up at the high end, where it’s worth everyone’s while to monkey with reality. The most famous example were the Jefferson bottles whose history was recounted in The Billionaire’s Vinegar which we reported on last year. Those babies went for north of $100,000 … each.

Whoever produced the bogus Pouilly-Fuissé is giving the real hardworking counterfeiters a bad name. It’s a shame and embarrassing. They should have come up with their own cheap label for their own cheap wine. Producing a great Knock-Off instead of a crummy Counterfeit.

They should Think Different, as a modern philosopher once said.

And speaking of Thinking Different, how about this for a unique idea … Counterfeiting people.

A union protesting the hiring of non-union workers is hiring non-union pickets to impersonate union strikers.

The Mid-Atlantic Regional Council of Carpenters is seeking paid demonstrators to march and chant in its current picket line [pretending to be union workers] outside the McPherson Building, an office complex here where the council says work is being done with nonunion labor … [so] the union hires unemployed people at the minimum wage—$8.25 an hour—to walk picket lines.

Source

So would you say that the minimum-wage ‘strikers‘ are the cheap plonk compared to bona fide carpenters?

We report, you decide.

No trip to NYC would be complete without a Bagel Schmear.

When I was a kid growing up in the Bronx, my Dad would take me to what he called “The Bagel Factory” early on Saturday mornings. I was too young to remember where exactly it was, but I do recall the noise of the ‘elevated’ train up above. And yeah, the taste of those bagels. Killer. Fresh, soft and hot. Mmmm.

So of course we had to find a bagel shop for Leslie.

Here is Murray’s on Sixth Avenue.

And it’s nice to report that there was one guy on Wall Street with some soul.

More than ten years ago, when he was putting in long hours as a Vice President at Merrill Lynch, Adam Pomerantz had a dream.  A dream of someday running his own business – not a business on Wall Street, but something much closer to his heart, and his stomach.

He followed his heart and his stomach, and when it was right he just knew it.  He found a small storefront in Greenwich Village, which he renovated on a shoestring budget, opening Murray’s Bagels in November 1996.  Adam named Murray’s Bagels for his father, from whom he learned his love of bagels and appetizing.

Murray's On Sixth

And here’s a Schmear you can believe in.

Screaming For Lipitor, Before It's Too Late

Just to prove that Murray’s retains some of it’s Wall Street Heritage, here’s the tab. Two bagels, with Lox, and Schmear. Total price, just shy of $20.00.

If The Cream Cheese Didn't Get You, This Will

It’s a good thing my Dad isn’t still alive, because this bill would put him in his grave.

“It’s good though.”  – Utah Philips

You’d think a barrel would just be a barrel.

But no, it turns out that a barrel of oil is 30% smaller than a barrel of wine. F2U Rio Linda a barrel of oil holds 42 gallons, while a barrel of wine holds 60 gallons.

I discovered this the other day while standing in front of a restaurant’s urinal in Healdsburg, California which is in the midst of Wine Country. If you are a guy you know that restaurants typically post ‘theme’ documents at strategic spots in their restrooms so that you can educate yourself while relieving yourself.

This was perhaps the very first form of multi-tasking.

Yes, I Stopped What I Was Doing To Snap This Pic With My iPhone

But I digress.

If you do the math, a ‘leak’ of 40,000 barrels of oil a day, is equivalent to a ‘leak’ of only 28,000 barrels of wine.

That sounds a lot better for several, mostly obvious, reasons.

Some might call this obfuscation, but I call it creative.

I’m surprised BP isn’t quoting the size of their spill using a wine barrel standard with a footnote to that effect on the second page of their press releases.

Get a grip, because I’m about to tell you how to double your money with no risk.

While simultaneously bringing new meaning to the phrase, “go green”.

Let’s talk recycling.

Like me, I’m sure that many of your beer-drinking friends go on about the  hundreds of dollars they ‘make’ by taking their crushed aluminum cans to be recycled.

In these days of miserable interest rates on my savings account I figured it was time for me to see if this new income stream could improve my standard of living.

Unfortunately I don’t drink beer in cans, since I’m mostly a wine and craft-brew guy. But we do consume some Seltzer and Gatorade, both of which come in recyclable containers. Bravo.

Wait Until Goldman Sachs Finds Out

After investing in, and religiously employing, a can-crusher for several weeks, I accumulated what seemed to be a ton of aluminum. Well, not a ton, but at least a few pounds.

But when I delivered my load to be bought by the recycle guy I was crushed, crushed I say, by the meager payback. We are talking a couple of bucks for all that work and time. It seemed like I was paying a lot more for the aluminum when I purchased the cans in the grocery store than I was getting back in all my newly found green-ness.

Convinced I was getting shafted by the authorities I almost called my local Tea Party, but instead of going for comic relief, decided to do some calculations. Keep in mind that in the grocery store we pay the CRV (California Refund Value) deposit per container, but get paid back by the pound of material we present for re-cycling.

Here are our input figures after I did some careful weigh-ins:

• The CRV for all three containers is the same: 5 cents per container.
• The weight of 1 aluminum can is 1/2 ounce.
• The weight of 1 Gatorade 12 Fluid Ounce bottle is 1 ounce.
• The weight of 1 Gatorade 20 Fluid Ounce bottle is 1 1/4 ounces.
• The weight of 1 Gatorade 32 Fluid Ounce bottle is 1 3/4 ounces.

Our Menu, So To Speak

• The recycle value of 1 pound of aluminum is $1.57 per pound.
• The recycle value of 1 pound of plastic is 93 cents per pound.

Now we can calculate that it takes:

• 32 aluminum cans to make a pound.
• 16 small Gatorade bottles to make a pound.
• 12.8 large Gatorade bottles to make a pound.
• 9.14 extra large Gatorade bottles to make a pound.

So where do we find our best Return On Investment?

The envelopes please…drum-roll…for a 5 cent investment in each container our payback is:

• For each aluminum can, 4.9 cents returned, for a loss of 2%.
• For each small Gatorade bottle with cap, 5.8 cents returned, a gain of 16%.
• For each large Gatorade bottle with cap, 7.3 cents returned, a gain of 46%.
• For each extra large Gatorade bottle with cap, 10.2 cents returned, a gain of 104%.

Hmm pretty interesting.

Our beer-drinking friends are actually losing money even after collecting their re-cycle fees. They are generously donating 2% of their CRV to the State of California, and not even breaking even. Thanks guys.

On the other hand, those of us who work out every day, and drink Gatorade to replenish our electrolytes are not only happy and healthy, but if we supersize our investment to the Big Gatorade bottles, we will be making 104% on our money.

F2U Rio Linda, that’s otherwise known as doubling your money.

Oh, I discovered one more interesting fact. The State of California levies Sales Tax on the CRV, so when they increase the CRV evey so often it serves to increase their tax revenues.

Maybe it really is time to call in the Tea Party-errs.

So here, free of charge, is my suggestion to lower the temperature of our political debates.

Replace the metaphor for our clash of ideas, which is currently WAR, with something else.

And since the Democrats and Republicans can’t yet agree on anything, I will offer up a custom metaphor for each side.

The Repubs will henceforth think of, and refer to the Dems as their Red-Headed Stepchild. And the Dems will begin to picture their Crazy Uncles when they think of the Repubs.

I think you’ll agree that these images surely elevate our current political debate.

Lowering The Political Temperature One Metaphor At A Time

The Republicans already think the Democrats are Socialists/Communists, so the Red color fits. And there is even an (admittedly remote) link to the Democratic’s Iconic Donkey if we replace it with a Rented Mule. Even better, the Repubs will love the image …

“Beating you like a red-headed stepchild” refers to a terrible beating. It is a variation of “beating you like a rented mule.”

Source

On the flip (sic) side, President Obama has already used the Crazy Uncle metaphor during the Presidential Campaign. Although he was referring to Rev. Jeremiah Wright, we know he was really thinking about the Republicans.

And when Mitch McConnell smiles, there is an uncanny resemblance to Steve Balmer.

Although Uncle Mitch hasn’t been smiling much these days.

You probably thought this was going to be a post about our dysfunctional political system.

You can relax, it’s not.

Voltaire He's Not

Voltaire’s quote has got a lot of mileage lately, mostly by proponents of Health Care Reform.

The original quote in French is “Le mieux est l’ennemi du bien.”, from Voltaire’s Dictionnaire Philosophique (1764) Literally translated as “The best is the enemy of good.”, but is more commonly cited as “The perfect is the enemy of the good.”

In other words, pursuing the “best” solution may end up doing less actual good than accepting a solution that, while not perfect, is effective. One could also infer that the best makes that which is good seem to be worth less than it is.

So it’s always inspiring to find a nice, simple, example of real people not letting perfection get in the way of their actions.

Case in point, we have a report in the Wall Street Journal that Bernie Madoff was “physically assaulted by another inmate in December, according to three people familiar with the matter”. Being a reputable news outlet the WSJ article takes pains to gather multiple sources and attempts to disect the reasons behind the beating. [I prefer to think of the incident as a beating as opposed to a physical assault.]

Mr. Madoff was treated for a broken nose, fractured ribs and cuts to his head and face, according to a felon currently at Butner serving time on drug charges who was familiar with his condition at the time.

In any case it never becomes quite clear why the assailant attacked Mr. Madoff, although several theories are offered.

My own theory is that the assailant was familiar with Voltaire, and decided to beat the s–t out of Bernie not because of a perfect reason, but just because he felt like it.

Bravo.

On the other hand, all is not lost for Bernie while he is behind bars. It turns out that in some cases life allows you a form of redemtion,

Fellow prisoners say Mr. Madoff, who is Inmate No. 61727-054 at Butner, has garnered some respect from inmates because of the breadth of his Ponzi scheme. The fraud caused about $20 billion in net losses by thousands of investors.

Hey, nothing is perfect.

I wasn’t always a fan of Paul Krugman, but that was when I still thought El Rushbo spoke only the truth. F2U Rio Linda: he doesn’t.

In any event, the New Yorker magazine just published a great profile of Krugman the person, which also sheds light on Krugman the (Nobel Prize winning) economist.

And buried in that article is quote from one of Krugman’s teachers, Evsey Domar, that really got my attention.

Why did some societies have serfs or slaves and others not? …  Evsey Domar [argued] that if peasants are barely surviving there’s no point in enslaving them, because they have nothing to give you, but if good new land becomes available it makes sense to enslave them, because you can skim off the difference between their output and what it takes to keep them alive. Suddenly, a simple story made sense of a huge and baffling swath of reality …

Too Bad About Those Pre-Existing Conditions

This says to me that he who can accurately calculate the economic value of people’s activities can make lots of money, if you are in the right place at the right time.

One of the first great financial applications of these insights was insurance, which began as a way of reducing the risk of traders, as early as 5000 BC in China and 4500 BC in Babylon.

Right place, right time.

Let’s cut away to the present and look at Health Insurance.

Without arguing how we got here; we have an opaque, monopolistic market. Consumers have virtually no quality information, and in practice no choice of insurance providers.

The insurance companies have all the data, information and tools to calculate and guarantee their profitability.

Right place, right time.

Oh, and one other small plus … no accountability.

One of the Interweb’s most recently developed art forms is the Unboxing.

This is defined by the Urban Dictionary as:

The Internet trend of showing photos or video from the unpacking of a retail box of some desirable product, such as the latest laptop or portable music player.

Since we try to remain fashion forward, it’s time to hold our very first Not A Mystery Unboxing.

And don’t be intimidated.

Remember what Sarah Palin said, “I may not know as much about Unboxing as the East Coast elites, but I sure as heck know what I like when I see it!”

Thanks for that Sarah. We will now proceed to Field Dress a Box before your very eyes.

For this Unboxing we’ve chosen a recent purchase from Amazon; Kettle’s Lightly Salted Chips (Crisps to you Brits), 4-Ounce Bags 15-Pack.

We chose this product because (a) it was recent, (b) it was large. Plus, the fact that it consists of Chips makes it sound Hi-Tech.

Here we go:

Unboxing Is The New Field Dressing, Take Note Sarah!

1. The outer package as delivered by UPS 2nd Day Air from Amazon (free with our Amazon Prime membership). Note the Fragile sticker, which is a bit of a head scratcher for a box of Potato Chips, but I guess you can never be too careful.
2. Poping open the outer Amazon shipping box, we see brown butcher paper. No plastic air bags or bubbles in this box. Very Green; shout-out to Amazon for sustainable packing!
3. Opening the outer box a bit more we see that in fact we have an inner package.
4. And now we can see the original Kettle’s master pack box. Shipping specialists will note that although there is no cushioning between the outer and inner box on the sides, that the boxes have maintained their good alignment. Perhaps the Fragile notice induced UPS to play nice during shipment?
5. We’ve now taken the outer Amazon shipper away and what remains is the Kettle master pack. Note the white tape seal across the top says “Lightly Salted” to avoid confusion and add authenticity. Well done, Kettle!
6. And finally, we open the Kettle shipper and see our individual packs of Chips or Crisps, standing straight up at attention, like pert Little Rogues. Bravo.

Product Shot, Front:

"Made From REAL Potatoes"

Product Shot, Back:

"Absolutely Nothing Artificial"

And Finally the Chips/Crisps themselves:

Kettle Baked and Lightly Salted, Delicious

To sum up. Great product, met all our expectations with no surprises. Quality of Chips/Crisps and packing excellent. Amazon and Kettle doing a good job of producing and delivering a sustainable, REAL, Chip/Crisp.

Having gained some confidence in this our first Unboxing, the plan is to next take on a product with moving parts.

Happy New Year!