(Politicians can get pretty creative when they describe the state-of-the-glass, but that’s why they take get the big bucks.)

But for me today is a really good day. I am proclaiming my “glass at least half full”. In fact it’s exactly 85% full,  and I have the numbers to prove it.

Let’s take a look at Gatorade’s Low Calorie sport drink, my current hydration choice while I work out.

Their new and improved product is the sexy, tall red bottle on the right. Meanwhile, the frumpy short, squat blue bottle on the left is what it replaced. After we overcome our excitement regarding the new package, and read the label, we discover that the new bottle’s 16.9 fl oz contents are 15% less than the old bottles 20 fl oz.

Supporting the assertion that my glass is exactly 85% full.

But rather than bitch about naked corporate greed and deception, I’d rather focus on the brilliant package re-design.

You can never be too tall, or too thin.

Somewhere in the bowels (sic) of Gatorade’s product design group is a brilliant engineer, who, when given the task of shrinking the package volume by 15%, didn’t just open Photoshop and resize the image to 85% while keeping the same aspect ratio. Which is exactly what the know-nothing, conniving-fu*k, cheap-suit executive who ordered the resize, aka price increase, would have done.

Instead the (probably young) design engineer re-imagined the product to come up with a taller, thinner, aspirational version. A drop-dead simple change, in a simple product, with brilliant results.

And at the same time increasing my cost and PepsiCo’s profit margin by 15%. I almost don’t mind.

What the packaged goods makers lack in pricing power, they can make up with sizing power.

Filed under: Luxury, Rant ]]> http://notamystery.com/2012/05/24/thinner/feed/ 0 Bob Gelber Click to Hydrate http://notamystery.com/2012/04/04/soapbox/ http://notamystery.com/2012/04/04/soapbox/#comments Wed, 04 Apr 2012 22:47:14 +0000 Bob Gelber http://notamystery.com/?p=9159 Continue reading »]]> I have a modest proposal for the health care debate. Only those of us who have actually shopped for an Individual Health Insurance Policy would be allowed to get up on their soapbox and let fly with their opinions.

This leaves out all current member of Congress; any retired members of Congress who served more than 6 years, which includes all retired Senators; and any retired member of the House who served 3 terms.  And keep in mind, ‘retired‘ just means they have quit or been voted out.

That’s because these folks enjoy their excellent Federal Employee Health Benefits, even after they leave the Congress. Unlike the rest of the Federal workforce, or those of us from the private sector who will go a lot longer than 1 to 3 terms for ‘full vesting’.

It really is a shame that we can’t all vote for our own self-interest so directly. We have to vote for those members of Congress and then wait to see what they deliver. Which, if you vote for Republicans, is not going to provide you the same safety net they give themselves.

Actually there was a glimmer of hope for a while, because when Congress drafted the Affordable Health Care Act (aka Obamacare) they did model the insurance exchanges after their own Health Insurance Plan which utilizes an exchange.

An exchange provides actual visibility into the policies offered by private insurers by ’forcing’ all companies to lay out, in a simple, common format, the details of their policy.  Then customers can actually compare the policies and prices.

As it is now, Big Insurance consider the details of the policy you purchase their proprietary information, and have successfully lobbied Republicans to back their current practices.

I know I said you couldn't make me eat my broccoli,
but you didn't tell me I'd have to substitute.

So Republicans support Big Insurance who obfuscate the cost of care, while opposing Obamacare’s exchanges that would provide transparency. Then these same Republicans go on in the next breath to blame consumers for the escalating cost of health care because we don’t make ‘more intelligent’ choices in the marketplace.

It’s comforting to know that there’s always someone smarter than the consumer.

This time it’s the Republican Party and Big Insurance.

So where’s my reach-around?

The fellow ahead of me, who I’ll call Randy, felt called upon to deliver a lecture on Obamacare and how the President is directing the government to take over our lives.  It was quite a rant, and Randy clearly seemed to think the rest of us gave a sh*t about his opinion.

C'mon Randy! Do You Really Think That
The Government Wants Into This?

Unfortunately there are a lot of folks like Randy. I won’t say they are un-informed, because they must be spending some time listening to Rush Limbaugh, or someone like him, deliver a stream of lies squeezed in between  commercials for impotence remedies and weight loss products. Instead I think that Randy is just mis-informed.

What Randy is too stupid (sorry) to get is that Republicans have done a head fake and set up proxy arguments that appeal to voters just like him, scoring political points instead of solving the problem. So we wind up in an echo chamber filled with mindless slogans, like the Tea Partiers parading in front of the Supreme Court holding up signs saying “Don’t Tread On Me”.

Give me a break, 60% of these people don’t think that Medicare is a Government Program.

The media have played the part of enablers, because the truth is very complicated (as in boring), and they don’t want to lose their audience.

So here are the simple facts:

• The health care system in the USA is broken. Everyone agrees with that, the debate comes down to how we fix it.
• Conservatives want to get the government completely out, running it like a free market letting supply meet demand.
• Liberals want a single-payer system, with everyone guaranteed access to quality care.

For lots of reasons the Affordable Health Care Act, aka ‘Obamacare’ has given neither side what they want.

Conservatives lost the legislative battle in the Congress two years ago, but now they have chosen to challenge the law by attacking the ‘mandate’ that everyone purchase health insurance. They picked that part of the legislation to attack, because they felt that would get them the greatest chance of success at the Supreme Court. They have expanded the argument in the media ad nauseum, claiming that for Obama this is only the beginning of a government takeover.

What really gets to me is the staggering hypocracy of the Republican attack on the insurance ‘mandate’.  In fact the ‘mandate’ was created by those very same Conservatives years ago in their attempts to reform the system. Its stated goal was to force everyone to purchase health insurance and stop the ‘freeloaders’ from making the rest of us pay for their medical expenses.

And folks like Randy buy into this crap, because it’s spoon-fed to them every day and they just don’t know any better. Which wouldn’t be so bad, if they would just keep their mis-informed opinions to themselves.

Especially when I’m waiting to get my hair cut, and can’t escape.

This from my inbox, where I am being Congratufuckinglated for having the IRS Accept my return.

But let’s be careful to not shoot the messenger. During the Tax Season TurboTax is my God. It stands beside me against the steaming pile of excrement that is the US Tax Code. It is my Wingman, my Band of Brothers, my Joan of Arc, my John Galt.

Why are we beside ourselves with pride that we have persevered against the IRS and gotten them to accept our return? It’s because their computers have all the ‘correct’ answers to the quiz, and it’s our job to match our numbers with theirs. Which is not simple. So when we succeed, congratulations really are in order.

I am totally chuffed.

Airlines and Cable Networks, two of our most popular industries today.

If you ignore the Banks.

Sign up for Cable and you get more channels than you need or want. You’ve been bundled.

Get on an Airline and nothing is included in the price of your ticket. You’ve been unbundled.

And yet, as a consumer, it all feels the same.

What's Not To Like?

I’m not saying we should regulate them.

That would be too good.

Shakespeare had it right, even in 1600 he could see these guys coming.

To be or not to be– that is the question:

Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles

And, by opposing, end them.

- Hamlet

It is entirely possible that Airlines will soon revoke the law of diminishing returns.

And I’m not talking about their profits, but instead their ability to come up with new ways to tack on charges.

United Airlines has just begun to offer a new ‘service’, which they’ve dubbed Premier Line.

Board the airplane sooner and get earlier access to overhead bin space with Premier Line. You’ll also enjoy the benefits of priority check-in and priority security, where available. Premier Line is now offered in all United® and United Express® airports in the U.S.

So United will now charge you to board the aircraft earlier than your seat-mates. They should more honestly call it ‘Front Of The Line’, but that would invoke images of class warfare.

There Is Really No End In Sight

They’ve figured out that as more people bring along carry-on baggage, overhead bin space is becoming a scarce resource, and passengers  will pay for a leg-up so to speak.

And how much will they pay? The ad says it is ‘starting’ at $9, but we know that’s a teaser.

So I checked it out on my favorite San Francisco to London flight. In that real world case the actual charge $39 per passenger, one-way.

That doesn’t really guarantee you anything except the opportunity to stand closer to the door.

I’m not sure how many passengers will jump at this option, but I think there would be a larger market for the opportunity to get off the plane earlier.

Talk about being “in the zone”.

The final episode of Mad Men (Season 1) shows Don Draper coining the word Carousel for the gizmo that holds the slides on Kodak’s slide projector. And creating the Kodak Moment campaign to sell memories instead of hardware.

Which got me thinking about what could top this bit of genius marketing.

It would have to be getting people to pay for something they don’t use.

Two examples come to mind: Propane and Cellphone Plans.

I was at a friends home the other night and he was using his BBQ. I noticed that he had one of those recycleable propane tanks that you return when it gets low and exchange it for a new, filled up, tank. I hadn’t thought about that product before because I take my propane tank to a local station where they just top up my own tank when it gets low.

A little thought will reveal the brillance of the recycleable tank, which is that you are always paying for propane you don’t use. Since nobody can take the chance that they will run out of propane in the middle of their BBQ, that tank gets returned long before it’s empty. In my own case I only pay for the propane that actually ‘tops up’ my tank.

OK, that’s a bit of a rip-off, but we’re not talking big bucks and it’s hard to get mad at the guys who sell propane.

Cellphone Carriers are another story altogether. We hate these guys before the opening credits even come up.

They do the same thing as the propane guys, but it happens with bigger bucks and it’s every month. Plus, did I mention their service sucks.

When you sign up for a cellphone ‘plan’ you have to pick your ‘number of minutes’. Same idea, pay for something you don’t use. Because they charge confiscatory prices if you go over your limit, you are forced to buy more minutes than you think you might ever use.

And in the immortal words of Adam Carolla, ‘They don’t even give you a reach-around’.

Turns out a Verizon Moment is one of those minutes you pay for, but don’t use.

Don Draper would be in awe.

The careful observer will have noted that the Bentley we saw in Santa Barbara last week was not sporting a front license plate. Wassup with that?

Spotted In Front of US Bankruptcy Court

My (protected) sources tell me that this is a (well known) trick used to disguise cars in case they are photographed by a traffic camera. The risk of spending $25 on a ‘fix-it’ ticket for the missing plate is insurance against a $300 fine should you get caught running a red light.

Foolishly doubting my (protected) source I Googled ‘fix-it ticket’ and confirmed that the Bentley was not a one-off. Here’s a typical result … from my collection of pics you’d think we don’t require front license plates in California.

Lots Of Examples With Missing License Plates

Further research reveals that a normal fix-it ticket requires payment of $25 admin fee.

However, the officer can mark [the violation] as non-correctable under specific conditions pursuant to CVC 40610.

In which case the fine jumps to $175. More interesting are the numerous posts in forums and blogs about the actual chances of being cited. Here’s just one example:

As a note, some jurisdictions cite for those with some frequency. If you live in a place where they heavily utilize red light cameras, expect some increased enforcement. If you live in a quiet, small community where the officers have some discretionary time on their hands (like mine), you might expect to get stopped for it. It really depends on where you live and how much time and effort the local cops are going to put into it.

So I have to admit this whole thing irritates me. While not an issue on the scale of testicular cancer or blood doping, it still irks me as a patriotic tax-payer that creeps are taking advantage of the system. While I am not.

But as Jack Nicholson said in Something’s Gotta Give:

We’ve got nothing but good news here.

The good news? No official corruption.

In not a single (anonymous) post could I find mention of bribes being used to avoid a ticket.

Compared to countries where every traffic violation has a standard fee paid immediately to the attending police officer, we are a nation of law-abiding scofflaws.

That’s gotta be something, anyway.

=============================================

Note: Actually my favorite line(s) from Something’s Gotta Give are:

Harry: I have never lied to you. I have always told you some version of the truth.
Erica: The truth doesn’t have versions, okay?

What do theatre owners and airline executives have in common?

Nothing.

Well, actually they do both provide their services to seated customers, which should imply some sort of similarity. But in practice nothing of the sort.

While the airlines constantly shrink their seats and services, theatre owners at least have a different take on customer satisfaction.

… theaters across the country [are] expanding the width of … seats and increasing … leg room, or row spacing …

“We want to err a little bit on the roomier side, because over the last 50 years Americans have gotten a little plumper,” [New York] City Center’s senior vice-president and managing director, Mark Litvin, said, “and we find these larger seats are much more comfortable for people.”

… Theatre Projects Consultants, a theater-development firm, found that the average standard width of seats in performing-arts theaters has expanded from 21 to 22 inches over the last two decades, “primarily due” to the concurrent rise in obesity. Over the course of the entire last century, the average width increased from 19 to 21 inches.

Source

If, like me, you spend your airtime crammed in coach you will be impressed with the ‘pitch’ on these seats.

The airlines might try to claim that frequent flyers are not succumbing to obesity like their theatre-going cousins.

But given that they now force some customers to purchase two tickets if they require a seatbelt ‘extender’, that excuse just won’t fly.

We all know that Big Government, Big Oil, Big Tobacco and Big Bank cannot be trusted.

But I’ve always thought I could trust Big Box.

Not any more.

Up until now I had written off ever-shrinking product packaging evilness to manufacturer’s greed. You know, charge the same price but put less ‘stuff’ in the box. It’s a price hike without a change in price.

Just like a tax increase that’s created by allowing a tax cut to expire. But I digress.

In our household we have many divisions of labor. One division is in the area of shopping. When it comes to shopping Leslie is in charge of food and shoes. I do most of the rest.

Most of the rest happens in COSTCO and SAM’s, where I resign myself to buying hideously large (for 2 people) packages of stuff in return for great prices. But it’s these great prices that have lead me down the road of complacency. I’ve let my guard down.

I have assumed, wrongly it turns out, that one huge package of stuff bought in any Big Box is equivalent in value to any other. I haven’t been comparison shopping. My bad.

But two things have changed for me lately,

1. A nagging suspicion that I’m being taken advantage of, and
2. I am packing an iPhone, with its built-in camera.

Today when I went to use my COSTCO coupon, I was shocked, shocked I say, to be let down by Big Box. The coupon made it look like I could purchase my normal huge f*cking container of Tide He detergent and save $2.50.

Fewer Loads by 26% In COSTCO On The Left, vs. SAM's On The Right

But when I compared that offering to SAM’s regular priced alternative it turns out that in this case because of the package size COSTCO was 20% more expensive, and not $2.50 cheaper.

Of course the smart shopper will notice that COSTCO is selling “Advanced Power” as compared to the “Original Scent” at SAM’s. This is because of the clever arrangement between Big Box and Big Detergent to confuse the shopper with (supposedly) non-equivalent product.

If you ask me, nothing about this obfuscation smells good.